This week I’m hung up on my locus of control. Not so much that I’ve bothered to look it up to see if I’m even going to explain what it is correctly (so whatever you don’t put much stock in what I say) but enough that it’s affecting my decisions.
I believe it’s a psychological term that basically means how much an individual believes she is in control of the events that affect her. If memory serves (again, no guarantees) one’s belief system can either be internal (meaning she’s in control of her life) or external (that other people, or a higher power, or circumstances control them).
Recently I’ve been feeling as though my locus is external (I don’t seem to have any control over much of what I attempt) and it’s been making me pretty darn miserable, so I’ve been thinking about how to shore up my internal locus, thereby taking responsibility to make myself happier.
I finally settled on trying to do another half marathon. I like the mental part of training for a distance event because it makes me feel as though I’m in charge of my own destiny. It’s the physical part that’s iffy. Among other things, I’ve got not one, not two, but three different recurring injuries that pretty much knocked me out of any training for the past year, BUT I think I’ve found an effective treatment for the most bothersome of those, so perhaps all is not lost.
Monday I did three miles (for the first time in a long, long time) and for the first time in a long, long time, I wasn’t in too much pain. Amazing. Cue the freaking singing angels.
So I’m grabbing destiny by the….um….horns and signing up for two half marathons. One in three months (DO NOT EVER TRY TO TRAIN FOR A HALF MARATHON IN ONLY THREE MONTHS IF YOU’VE BEEN DOING NEXT TO NOTHING…it’s freaking nuts, and could be unsafe, and is definitely irresponsible) and one in October.
Uhhhh…so why sign up for the one in three months? Because it’s nearby (yeah, I know, a lame reason) and because I’m in desperate need of a you-are-out-of-your-freaking-mind-to-even-think-about-trying-it challenge. Because here’s the thing no one ever talks about when it comes to walking/running 13.1 miles…it’s not the race day that’s tough. It’s not crossing the finish line that’s so damn hard. It’s GETTING TO the starting line.
It takes commitment and self-discipline, along with sacrifice and suffering, to stick to a training program. Sure it’s physically difficult at times (okay, for me, MOST of the time) but it’s the mental and emotional aspects that test my mettle.
So, barring any new injuries, or a significant flare up of old ones, I’m going to spend the next 90 days – wait, scratch that, I started Monday—the next 88 days exercising my internal locus of control.
What do you think of my plan?
Are you contemplating, or in the midst, of any Herculean tasks? They don’t have to be physical…I consider things like (but not limited to) writing a book, selling a house, returning to school, losing weight, or starting a new job, to be pretty impressive feats.
Do you feel as though you lean more toward an internal or external locus of control?
I’ll be reporting my progress (or lack thereof) every Wednesday, so be sure to check in.
On Monday, I’ll be unveiling the second part of my Locus plan on Killer Chicks!